2008 has been a [_________] year. i honestly don't have a word to describe it; my best attempts are: horrible, disappointing, dramaful, hella sad, or perhaps, emo? i really had it real good in 2007, and i really hoped for the best for 2008. i guess i didn't wish hard enough, because 2008 didn't just suck ass, it sucked HELLA asses. but let me start off on a brighter note tho, haha.

ACADEMICS.
i was doing hella bad in the beginning of the year. B's and C's were grades that i get in my classes. i knew i could do better, and trust me, i did try, but i guess i always end up with GSIs that didn't like me too much...either they just plainly hated me, or they were just hard ass graders. anyways, my GPA was hella boo boo until the summer. i took two classes and ended up getting A's. YES, it boosted my GPA up! after that summer, A's just kept on coming. this fall, i got my 3rd A, and then my 4th A. damnn...that feels hella good. my GPA is still hella whack and i can't apply to study aboard in HK because of that, but i believe that i am eligible to apply to thailand to study aboard in the fall of 2009. oh man (& womyn), it's gonnna be a wrap! wish me luckkk!

PASSION.
i eat, breathe, and bleed REACH!. for those that don't know what REACH! is, it is the Asian/Pacific Islander Recruitment and Retention Center at UC Berkeley. This year, I took on the position as the Assistant Director of Internal Relations, taking on the responsibilites of finances of the org, the curriculum of the REACH! class, fostering the 26 REACH! interns into leaders, and hosting senior weekend with Nikki (the executive director of REACH!). this experience has/had been AMAZING...although it is really time-consuming and draining. during the school year, 70% of my time is devoted to REACH! and my other 30% is for me to study, eat, sleep, and hang out whenever i have time. i can't complain tho, cause REACH! has been my passion and my drive in college; this org keeps me sane, keeps me busy, and it definitely keeps me empowered to make social changes within my community. i love what i do, and i love the people that i work with. although the coordinators of REACH! this year been thrown many curve balls (esp. from the stepping back/resigning of position from some coordinators), those type of obstacles made our family much more stronger. if yall are reading this, I LOVE YALL! keep up the good work and we'll make the spring semester 100000x better than the fall!

FRIENDS.
i love them. i honestly did not realize how good i had it until i actually needed them the most. friends are the ones that are there for me when i needed someone to talk to, when i needed someone to put some sense into me, to help me get through tough times of the year, to make hard decisions for me, and most importantly, to remind me on a daily basis that i'm a strong womyn--one that knows how to crawl back up and dust myself off when i fall down. they taught me how to live, laugh, and love -- to move on from the past and concentrate on the present and the future. i've gotten so close to so many people this year, and i hella hope that this type of friendship will only grow from this point on. without my friends, i wouldn't be able to make it through this year sanely...and i am not just saying this to say this. there was a point in this year (actually, several points, haha) that i thought that i couldn't make it -- i was on the verge of giving up on everything...i was on the verge of giving up on myself. it was these friends that kept me up and going, that encouraged me, motivated me, and supported me in some many ways. shoutout to my OAKLAND GIRLS, BERKELEY LOVES, and RICHMOND HOMES. no need for names, you know who you are! i love yallll!

FAMILY.
back to square one. i really love my parents cause they mean the world to me, and i try to show them this "love" as much as i can. but i get so caught up with school and all that that i do not even have the time to actually go home to visit them...i only go home (which is only roughly 20 min away from UCB) once or twice a month...wtf right?? ughh it's so disappointing; i feel like i'm not being a good daughter by not being there, but i just can't seem to find the time. siblings...ugh. my feelings for them, or better yet--our relationship--is..is...[__________]. i honestly can't find the word for it, but maybe "distant" is the best word choice for now. it's been 20 years being a chiang, and i still can't seem to "bond" or "get to know" or even "connect" with my siblings. i honestly feel like this year drew me more distant from my sibs -- always arguing, and even phyiscal fighting. i hate that we always do this to one another, but i honestly can't seem to be koo with them...i'm the one that is the most distant from the other two -- i don't get along with them as much as they get along with each other. i honestly don't know what else to do and at this point, i'm just hopeless. maybe hopeless is not the right word, but more like...out of ideas? tired? indifferent?

and lastly, LOVE.
this is where all my emo-ness, sadness, weakness comes from. it's been 8 months since i've been heart broken, and honestly, my heart still aches so much till this very moment. people say heartbreaks are rough to go through, but i didn't know it was this much pain, this much emotional & physical deterrance. it's been so hard on me; sometimes i just sit there, think about things, and it gets me hella weak -- to a point where i start to lose myself and all my sense of optimism, sense of strength. love can truly get the strongest person weak, and i can attest to that. i used to be so strong, so confident, so..happy. but after this heartbreak, i've lost myself. my heart still feels so empty till this day, and i'm honestly waiting for someone to fill it up again. on a lil update on the aftermath of the heartbreak, i've been seeing [mr. thug life]. mr. thug life is a really koo guy and he can make me forget the pain sometimes when he makes me smile/happy..but other times, he can also be so...soo......aggressive. careless. intimidating...........and.....yeah..i know this is not the right way to go to heal a broken heart, but it's really tough for me to go through this continuous pain. but yeah. i hope that 2009 will not necessarily bring me love again (but i don't mind it, haha), but to give me the strength to be strong and be myself again...to be the Anna that i once was...

 

but yeah. it's 11:45pm right now, 15 minutes away from a new year. I wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! enjoy yourselves, and start 2009 with a fresh start & with brand new goals, dreams, and aspirations. happy holidays and much love from me (cause i know errrryone needs a lil lovin'! haha). take careee. <3

it's june...half way through 2008. this year so far had been really good, and really really bad....

academics,
i was actually doing good (so i thought) but i ended up getting grades that i did not even want, or expected. i've tried soo hard, studied so much...and i ended up getting grades that reminds me of a failure. what happened to the anna who got straight A's, that knew her shit hella well?? this college anna works her ass off and ends up getting something that does not reflect her hard work..it's just so damn depressing. and plus...there was sooo much drama during my times of finals that it hella screwed me up, big time. ergh, and what drives me even crazier is people dissin' my major, which is ethnic studies...all talkin bout that shit is hella easy and shit. FUCK THAT, yall mother fuckers dont realize how much shit we gotta do, and how much our professors be expecting from us. i hate ignorant ass science/business/engineering majors that be thinkin they hella tight and shit cause they doing the "big thing," but FUCK YALL...there's no such thing as an EASY MAJOR so SHUT THE FUCK UP. argggh fuck you all... but on the brighter note, school was out for me since the middle of MAY..so im supppperrr free till july. holler at me if you wanna chill...i have too much time in my hands right now.

social,
i've been pretty involved on campus ever since my 1st year. this year im a coordinator for a shadow program under REACH!. i'm also the outreach coordinator for SASC-SI..and next year, im the assistant director of internal relations for REACH!. long story short, i signed my life away to these organizations, especially REACH! this is a good thing, actually. during the school year i keep myself busy with a positive atmosphere, doing empowering work to contribute back to my community. i wouldnt even say that i'm working because these people kept me sane; i love them and i love the work that i do! i'm hella looking forward in working with the new 08-09 core of REACH!..i know it's gonna be one bomb ass year. =) organizations like REACH! and SASC are the reason why i look forward to wake up during the day and go to school..if they weren't in existence..my college life would be hella boring....haha

family,
family's been always chill. brother got into berkeley with a full ride scholarship...so yep. all 3 chiang's are hoodridin berkeley with full ride scholarships!!! i'm hella proud of my siblings; we worked HELLA hard and it finally paid off. what makes me happy the most is knowin that my parents can now chill...they don't have to pay for any of our college expenses and their hard work and struggle to put food on the table is finally paid off. i got hella love for my fam and i'm helllla hellla helllla hellla proud of our accomplishments. <333

friends,
omffggg i got so much love for them. i didn't realize how good i got it until i needed them....to help me get through a harsh ass break-up. i finally know who my true friends are...and i feel hella bad for being so reluctant to kick it with them sometimes in the year...YAO, this foo is one of my closest ass friends. he was there for me literally 24/7 during my harsh times when i was going through so much shit. i can never thank him enough for being a bomb ass friend who's down for me whenever and wherever. i owe you big time, SUCKA.  MY BETCHES -- stephanie & elaine: omfgg you guys drive me CRAZY sometimes, but i love yall to death. you girls are my strength; yall made everything much more optimistic for me and you girls ALWAYS know how to put a smile on my face. thank you so much for being HELLA DOWN to party with me or to just have HELLA fun...i can never be bored with yall. and thank you girls for having the faith in me to get through this...it means a lot to me knowing that you girls are there for me. love ya! MY GIRLS -- chaney, annie, cathy, meuy, shirley: you girls are forever my girls. seeing you girls always put a smile on my face. thanks for puttin up with my shit (e.g, embarrassing yall in public with my loudness)..haha. i always love our talks and catching up's....it's been 2 years already..and i still feel the same way about yall. i'm so glad that we're still sooo close after splitting our ways in college. i'll love yall forever and thanks for being there for me. and lastly, ALEX. this foo gets on my last nerves sometimes, but he is the downest guy out there....i love him for always being down for me..to be there for me when i need someone to talk to or just bored as fuck and need someone to kick it with. thanks for being there for me alex..=)
i got hella love for my friends cause i know the in the end, they'll ALWAYS be there. <333

love,
i don't even know where to start. i honestly thought that i found the right one but it ended up to be a dud. i gave him all of my love...my everything...i even put him first before me...but in the end, it turned out to be a one way street. i knew we always had problems but i would always wanna work things out...but he didn't. ehh love is just too complicated; i'm just so tired of it right now. i honestly lost all meaning of what is love...and i hope that one day, someone can help me find that meaning again....



halfway through the year..and so much shit already happened. i wonder what will happen in the next 6 months? tune in for the reflection for 2008 in the end of the year. =)

WARNING: LONG ENTRY.

This weekend had been one of the most amazing weekends that I've experienced. I'm so worn out of energy, but I am hella full of happiness & satisfaction.

VALENTINE'S DAY
I have one of the most sweetest boyfriend ever. Although I was super busy that day (because it was the first day of ShadowNite), Marco worked around my schedule and took the time to plan something hella sweet. After my class, he told me to stay outside of my classroom @ Morgan Hall because he was gonna go pick me up to "surprise" me with something. So after waiting for him for awhile, a random ass guy approached me and asked if I was Anna. I was looking at him hella weird and was like..."Yeeeaaahhh, I'm Anna..." He had a rose and a card in his hand, and I straight up said, "I think you got the wrong Anna." I hella thought that he was trying to holler and shit...haha. But he asked me more questions...and then I realized that he WAS looking for me. He brought some other people (4 total) and told me that they were going to sing to me because it's Valentine's Day...and that this was from Marco. So long story short, the Cal choir serenaded 2 love songs to me. Shiiiitttt I was feeling HELLA awkward for the longest time, cause people stood around looking at me...and I had no idea where Marco was. I hella didn't know what to do but to stand there and look at them while they sang. But the awkwardness was all good, because it kept me smiling for the longest....

After they sang, they told me to open the card. In it, it told me to go to Pilam (his Fraternity house where he live) to meet up with him. I went there, but he wasn't there (he had some time conflict, haha). But after a couple of minutes, he showed up with a dozen of roses. :) Man....I didn't know what to say. I was speechless and I didn't know how to thank him. But what he did to me was the sweetest thing ever....and I will never forget it. I hella appreciate his effort in making me happy, and especially making me feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. I love him so much for everything he had done..




SHADOWNITE 2008
After Valentine's Day, I had to set up for ShadowNite (which is on Feb. 14-16). For those who are not familiar with this program, it is basically a REACH! (Asian/Pacific Islander Recruitment and Retention Center @ UCB) event where we bring students from the Central Valley region and bay area  to UCB for 3 days and 2 nights. This semester the students came for Fresno, Oakland, and Richmond. We provide them with various workshops which include political awareness, academics, team building, etc. I am a co-coordinator for this program, so it was a huge responsibility for me. Planning ShadowNite and running it was HELLA tiring. I barely had any sleep for the past days and I fully drained all my energy out. But it was HELLA worth it...because I know that the students got a lot out of this experience. This ShadowNite was so successful and I am so thankful to be given this opportunity to work with such a great Shadow Team, mentors, volunteers, and especially the youth. They hella inspired me even more -- to continue to do what I do and to create social change within my community. Knowing that these students had been empowered by our program truly makes those sleepless nights worth sacrificing for (and for those who know me out there, shittt you know I love sleeping!!) I am satisfied with the work that I've done so far...and I will definitely continue on doing what I do and empower the youth.





It's been a long and exciting weekend, I am really hope this feeling won't go away....just yet. heh